A four-day plan to restore the U.S. economy.

(This is a slightly edited transcript of a Cramer Mad Money monologue delivered Nov. 5.)

We need a plan to fix this economy. My e-mail inbox indicates overwhelmingly that you all want a plan to fix the economy, and, bizarrely, you trust an often wrong, never-in-doubt television commentator—thanks to my friend Donny Deutsch for that line—to deliver it. So without further ado, here's what Barack Obama needs to do in his first 100 days as president if he wants to revive this economy and make sure we don't have so many of these miserable days where the Dow drops 486 points.

Day 1, I say this in all serious, Obama must hire me as his SEC chairman, Fed chairman, and Treasury secretary, three in one—like the oil. Here's my job application: I promise I will work harder than anyone else because I have problems sleeping—I wake up at 4 a.m. every morning at the latest—and most importantly, I have an intense inferiority complex, and I at last want to live up to my father's expectations. That, and I know exactly what we need to do, much better than the current crowd of jokers who are partially responsible for the mess we're in.

On his second day in office, Obama has to fix the auto industry. Again, I got this. We have to bailout GM and Chrysler, not to mention Ford, with the same template we used for the AIG bailout. First, we do a government-backed merger of GM and Cerberus' Chrysler—something that should be easy to do pass through Congress as John Snow, Cerberus' front man and former Bush Treasury secretary, as well as Bob Nardelli, the CEO of Chrysler, have tremendous leverage in Washingon—why, I couldn't tell you, it's harder to find two more incompetent figures, but we keep giving them a free pass.

The way to do the deal is for the government to take a huge stake in GM's common stock, as well as buying billions in GM preferred stock, which would preserve all of GM's bonds and allow GM to raise capital for the deal, because the government's backing will turn all of GM's bonds into high-grade paper. This way the company can use the federal intervention to raise all the money it wants by selling commercial paper to fund all day-to-day operations. This has the added advantage of letting the workers keep their jobs and allowing the unions to fight the good fight, so it should be an easy sell for an Obama administration, which may actually care about the little guy. Be careful, this could be a potential government of, by, and for the workers, a half-Lincoln, half-Trotsky edict, but better than just stuffing billions into bankers' pockets, which is the current Republican plan.

Do the same thing with Ford, take a big equity stake and buy up all the preferreds. In the end, we may use the same model the Europeans have with Airbus for these companies, turning them into permanent state-sponsored enterprises, sort of like Fannie and Freddie before they were dismantled. Bush was willing to bail out Wall Street, Obama got elected because he'll bail out Main Street, and to do that, he has to save the autos. I guess what's good for GM is still good for America, not to mention Chrysler and Ford.

On Day 3, I think Obama has to solve energy independence, oh, and jobs, too. Shouldn't be too tough once you realize that we have enough natural gas to supply all of our energy needs until the end of days, and he can make a backroom deal with the autos for a plan to use compressed natural gas to fuel their new cars when they accept the bailout money. All federal vehicles must run on natural gas by 2012, something like that. And say to the integrated oils that if they don't open natural gas fueling stations, they won't be eligible for tax credits. That's all we need to achieve energy independence, and it will create millions of drilling jobs. Pretty good for his first three days in office.

Day 4, Obama must let it be known that there will be no more immigrant deportations, so that immigrants, legal and illegal, will stop being afraid to buy homes. Their default rate is almost nil—these are the people the banks want to lend to, as they will take on fourth and fifth jobs to keep their mortgages current.

Then to solve the housing crisis, Obama should take the remaining $400 billion in the TARP and buy 1.3 million homes outright, which is what $400 billion would get you using the average home price in California, the worst market. He should either give these homes to people in return for 5 percent loans and minimum down payments, or pull an FDR and burn them to get rid of the oversupply. An Agricultural Adjustment Act for housing. It will end the foreclosure crisis just in time for my schedule. This is a much better plan than whatever Nancy Pelosi promised.

Day 5: Obama should scout whoever the Redskins may be playing and, like Cramer fave President Nixon, call in a play to Jim Zorn for the big game. This time, it will make the difference!

Bottom line: All Obama needs to do to save the country is give me three of the highest offices in the land, save the autos, achieve energy independence using natural gas, and end the oversupply of housing.  Sounds easy when you say it like that. I think he can do it in four days—let's give him 100.