Bernard Madoff: The Villain America Needed
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Bernard Madoff: The Villain America Needed
An open letter of thanks addressed to the Ponz.
Posted Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 4:16pm
Dear Mister Madoff:
Before it’s too late, I wanted to thank you for all that you’ve done for
And so I’m writing you this letter to honor your contributions to American society. I’m not speaking about the thousands of people you’ve defrauded. Nor am I referring to the (less than) $50 billion you made evaporate overnight. And those two people you caused to commit suicide? Disgraceful, of course, but not all that you should be remembered for.
I, unlike the rest of our compatriots, will choose to exalt your gifts, not just your sins. Like the way you single-handedly forced Congress to acknowledge just how crappy the SEC is at doing its job. Like when your downfall helped unearth a dozen other Ponzi schemes, proactively saving millions of dollars. And I, for one, do not think you’re only the basest kind of American—a man driven by greed, power, and an unchecked case of OCD. No, you, sir, are an American patriot. Your selfless sacrifice is overlooked by the hate-first-think-second mass media. You gave the American people somebody to despise when they needed it most. In our economic era, you may not have been the villain we wanted, but you were the one we needed.
Bernie—may I call you Bernie?—you arrived at just the right time. In December, when you admitted your fraud, we Americans were spewing anger, but it wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. President Bush? He was on his way out of office, and we had already vented our frustrations at the polls. The CEOs of subprime lenders? Countrywide was absorbed by Bank of America; Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac belonged to us, the very people they helped ruin. Wall
But then you descended from the Lipstick Building: a middle-aged, extremely wealthy white guy from
(Photo by TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
Comments
Markopolos & Friends should replace the SEC
Please do not give the SEC any credit for uncovering the Stanford Ponzi scheme. It's a safe bet that this scheme was also brought to the SEC (on another silver platter) by Harry Markopolos & Friends, only this time the SEC was placed in the Most Difficult position of not being able to look the other way, having just been publicly spanked by Congress. You may remember that after Markopolos testified before Congress about SEC's unbelievable incompetence (so unbelievable that one can only assume it was corruption), the media reported that he had another Ponzi scheme to lay before their filthy feet. My question is: why do we need the SEC if Markopolos & Friends can do the job for a fraction of the cost, and if we have the added priceless bonus of knowing they are both Competent and Honest?? Such seemingly rare qualities in anyone connected with the SEC, never mind Wall Street, cannot be overly appreciated.
FRAUDSTER ON THE ROOF
BERNIE MADOFF SINGS "IF I HAD A PONZI "
(If I Were a Rich Man, Fiddler on the Roof)
WilliamBanzai7 (Fraudster on the Roof)
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBHZFYpQ6nc
If I had a Ponzi,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd be sitting in the Palm Beach sun.
If I had a good Ponzi scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.
I'd buy a big gawdy mansion with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of Palm Beach town.
And a fine Park Avenue Penthouse with a fleet of Mercede's and others down below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
I'd fill my office with investor ducks and turkeys and geese to fleece
For all of Wall Street to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
Each loud "cheep" "squawk" "honk" "quack"
Would sound like a golden trumpet on my Ponzi scheming ears,
As if to say "Here is yet another wealthy yutz to schtupp."
If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.
I see my wife, my Ruth, looking like a rich momzer's wife
With a proper Bergdorf grin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Park Avenue trophy tuchas.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.
The most important machers in Wall Street town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wiseguy.
"If you please, Bernie..."
"Pardon me, Bernie..."
Posing megillahs that would cross an SEC Branch Chief's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're a Wall Street gonif, they think you really know!
If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To hook then slice golf balls and pray.
And maybe have a seat on NASDAQ.
And I'd discuss the holy finance books like a big Wall Street macher, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.
If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam .
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
Lord who made the Wall Street lions and the rich shnooks and lambs,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I built the Mother of all Ponzi scams.