The Juicy Bits from the federal corruption charges against Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

How much can I try to milk out of my office? According to crusading U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, plenty. Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, were arrested today on conspiracy to commit fraud and solicitation of bribery charges. The presumptiveness, variety, and vanity of the alleged malfeasances are staggering: attempts to get the best price for an appointment to the Senate seat left open by President-elect Barack Obama, trying to have a member of the Chicago Tribune editorial board fired in exchange for state funding for the paper, and other sundry unseemliness. Here, The Big Money presents the Juicy Bits from FBI Special Agent Daniel Cain’s affidavit in the case:

Senate Seat for Sale

As in many states, the governor gets to make appointments to Senate vacancies until an election is held. With Barack Obama leaving to become president, Blagojevich has the senatorial appointment power. As another chief executive once said in another context, he has capital, and the allegations suggest he’s not afraid to use it.

On November 5, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH talked with Advisor A about the Senate seat. During the phone call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the President-elect can remove somebody from a foundation and give the spot to ROD BLAGOJEVICH. In regards to the Senate seat, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated “I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”

And what was the something that Blagojevich was allegedly going to exchange for a Senate appointment?

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that the consultants (Advisor B and another consultant are believed to be on the call at that time) are telling him that he has to “suck it up” for two years and do nothing and give this “motherfucker [the President-elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states that he will put “[Senate Candidate 4]” in the Senate “before I just give fucking [Senate Candidate 1] a fucking Senate seat and I don’t get anything.” (Senate Candidate 4 is a Deputy Governor of the State of Illinois). ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that he needs to find a way to take the “financial stress” off of his family and that his wife is as qualified or more qualified than another specifically named individual to sit on corporate boards. According to ROD BLAGOJEVICH, “the immediate challenge [is] how do we take some of the financial pressure off of our family.”

NBA general managers aren’t as creative as the players in this alleged proposed scheme to enrich Blagojevich, which came to nothing.

HARRIS noted that ROD BLAGOJEVICH is interested in taking a high-paying position with an organization called “Change to Win,” which is connected to Service Employees International Union (“SEIU”). HARRIS suggested that SEIU Official make ROD BLAGOJEVICH the head of Change to Win and, in exchange, the President-elect could help Change to Win with its legislative agenda on a national level. … ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that for him to give up the governorship for the Change to Win position, the Change to Win position must pay a lot more than he is getting paid right now. Advisor B said that he liked the idea of the three-way deal. ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that he is interested in making $250,000 to $300,000 and being on some organization boards.

But if that doesn’t work, there’s always an alleged musing about getting Warren Buffett to help out. Hey, he could fund a new nonprofit, thereby conveniently providing the outgoing governor with a nice sinecure!