NYT Blogger's 100 Waiter Don'ts

(Note: Since the word "waiter" does not in any way connote gender, I'm going to use it here to refer to both male and female waiters. I think everyone should do this, and the word "waitress"—like "stewardess" and "actress"—should be expunged from our collective vocabulary. And I don't even want to talk about "waitron." Who's with me?)

I love this list of 50 waiter don'ts, written as it is from the perspective of a patron, even if some of them seem overly fussy. "Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses [Hey!-ed.], libertarians and baristas [baristasses?-ed.] will no doubt protest some or most of what follows," writes blogger Bruce Buschel. This is only the first half of a list of 100, with the rest coming next week.

A few of my favorites from the first set:

No. 5: Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.

No. 11:  Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, "We only have two lobsters left." Even if there are only two lobsters left.

No. 21: Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

No. 32: Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them, or dust them.