Lettuce Lurve Won't Sell Burgers

At this point, it seems as if Carl's Jr. is more in the business of producing lowbrow, faux porn for horny Internet surfers than it is in the business of producing fast food for hungry consumers.

The company's latest ode to tiresomeness features reality-show idiot Kim Kardashian having sex with a salad—first in a bed, then in a bathtub. (Feel free to object to this nonsense without worrying about seeming "prudish." The objection isn't moral; it's aesthetic.)

The video is aimed at people whom Carl's Jr. owner CKE Restaurants, along with ad agency Mendelsohn Zien, believe will order the Cranberry Apple Walnut Chicken Salad because when it comes to salad dressing, Kim Kardashian doesn't spit, she swallows. 

Enough YouTube enthusiasts have watched the video—whether out of creepy arousal or creeped-out disbelief—that it is the No. 2 position on Advertising Age's weekly Viral Video Chart. 

"It follows the same tried-and-true (or tired-and-true, depending on your point of view) viral-video recipe the fast feeder has employed before: a hot woman eating food (this time, a salad) in slow motion with several suggestive shots of both," writes Ad Age's Abbey Klassen.